False narratives: part 1 - about myself

If you're feeling stuck or notice that patterns in your life keep reoccurring, then it might be worth considering if you a false narrative about yourself is at work.

It might be a version of “I’m not good enough" such as:

• “It’s probably easier if I don’t say anything.”

• “I’ll just go along with it.”

• “It’s fine.” (I can't tell you how many times I hear this one in therapy sessions - especially when it’s clearly very much not fine.)

On the surface, this can look like being easy-going, thoughtful, or “no trouble at all".

But underneath, this false narrative can lead to something quieter:

A steady, almost automatic habit of leaving yourself out of the equation.

When the false narrative began

For many people, this false narrative about themselves begins quite early — often in families where emotions weren’t always fully understood or welcomed. Particularly where there was a level of emotional immaturity from either one or both parents.

You might have been told you were “always so sensitive" or met with sighs, irritation or being told off for being upset.

So, quite sensibly, you adapted - and a false narrative about you began to take shape:

• “I’m a bit much.”

• “I'm happiest when on my own.”

• “Best not to make a fuss.”

  
  

Or sometimes:

• “I’m not enough as I am.”

  
  

These narratives weren’t chosen — they were learned.

How this false narrative might show up now

In adult life, this false narrative often continues quietly in the background.

You might notice yourself:

• Saying “yes” when you’re really thinking: “I don't want to"; then dreading it or having to extricate yourself from whatever you've agreed to.

• Brushing off things that do, in fact, matter to you.

• Struggling to work out what you actually want.

• Feeling lost in relationships.

• Carrying that familiar sense of being too much… or not enough

Nothing particularly dramatic.

Just small moments, repeated often, where you gently step aside and prioritise everyone else.

The story that keeps playing

Over time, this becomes a kind of internal script — a false narrative that seems to be part of your character:

“Don’t take up too much space.” “Other people’s needs come first.” “It’s easier this way.”

Gently questioning the false narrative

There’s no need to challenge this all at once ; it's about starting to be aware and notice when you're feeling a familiar sense of being resentful or anxious.

You could ask yourself:

• What am I actually feeling here?

• Is there something I need?

• What would it be like to include myself, even slightly?

  
  

No pressure to suddenly become wildly assertive by the end of the week! Just a small shift — from automatically leaving yourself out, to quietly beginning to include yourself.

It's time to take up space

If this false narrative taught you that your feelings were too much, it makes complete sense that you learned to contain them.

If it taught to you there wasn’t space for you, it makes sense that you stepped back.

That was you adapting — not you being the problem.

You can choose for yourself not to let that narrative about you go

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You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to have needs. You’re even allowed to say, “Actually… this isn’t fine.”

And perhaps most importantly:

You’re allowed to begin letting go of the false narrative that you have to leave yourself behind in order to belong.

Read *Part 2: false narratives about you*