What were your brilliant adaptations (that perhaps you're ready to let go of)?
- pippa
- 4 hours ago
- 2 min read
I’ve been thinking a lot about the term 'self abandonment” recently and wondering if it could be a bit misleading.
Trying to make sense of my childhood experiences and what was referred to as a "weak sense of self" was something I’ve often talked about in my personal therapy over the years. For a while, it helped me make sense of why I found it so hard to name my needs when my therapist asked me, or constantly agonised over making any decision, big or small.
The more I’ve researched self abandonment and tried to relate my understanding back to my own experiences - and those of so many of my lovely clients - I’ve wondered if it’s a little misleading.
Because actually, I don’t think I abandoned myself.
Actually, I adapted.
As children, we don’t choose authenticity over attachment. If being fully ourselves risks disconnection from the people we depend on, our nervous system does something incredibly wise — it protects us. We learn to quiet parts of ourselves in order to belong.
Perhaps that’s why so many of us carry this quiet paradox.
We long to be truly seen, yet being seen can feel terrifying.
Donald Winnicott captured it so beautifully:
“It is a joy to be hidden, and a disaster not to be found.”
Healing is about creating enough safety that the parts of ourselves we had to hide no longer need to.
Maybe the self you’ve been searching for was never lost.
Maybe it’s simply been waiting for the conditions to feel safe enough that allow them to come home.
If this has resonated with you, please feel free to take a look at the intensive 6 week course I'm offering. It's an opportunity to work together to take a deep dive into your childhood experiences and work out what your adaptations were that kept you safe and create the safety in our sessions to let go of what has been keeping you feeling stuck, exhausted and unhappy for so long.