If some of the things that you read here resonates with you, it's possible that you may have an abandonment wound.
What is an abandonment wound?
Abandonment wounds tend to arise from a core belief of "not feeling good enough". This can manifest itself in all areas of our lives, from relationships to our identity at work and with our families.
They usually start in childhood, if your needs weren't met by your caregivers at a very young age. Though you may not have been directly told that you weren't good enough, this was the message (or introject in therapy) that you internalised and took with you into your adult life.
What happens in relationships?
In relationships, this may show itself as projecting our childhood need for acceptance. We have a core belief that there is something wrong with us and that we are unloveable. We try to become the ideal partner in a relationship so they won't leave us.
Those with an abandonment wound may experience extreme emotional sensitivity to anything that could trigger rejection. This could be feeling criticised, misunderstood, overlooked or that your voice is not heard.
If you have a fear of abandonment, you may often think:
"How can I make them like me and need me?"
"They're going to leave me."
"I need people to like me."
"I can't survive on my own."
"What have I done wrong?"
This can become a pattern which then plays out in all our relationships, including "best friends", parents, siblings and work colleagues.
If this resonates with you or you recognise any behaviour which relates to abandonment wounds, it's never too late to seek help and support.
A therapist trained in attachment and inner child work can work with you to unpick these core beliefs and increase your self-awareness, so that you can start making better informed choices with your relationships.
If you're thinking about having counselling and would like a free 20 minute call with Pippa to see if she could be a good "fit" for you, please get in touch.