How inner child, attachment and somatic work can heal the cycle of overthinking

pippa
3 days ago
3 min read

Have you ever found yourself caught in a spiral of overthinking - looping thoughts, what-ifs or harsh inner dialogue - and wondered "Why am I like this?' Maybe your body feels tense, your chest is tight and you’re exhausted from trying to “think your way out” of something that never seems to budge.

Overthinking can feel like a mental fog that disconnects us from the present moment - and from ourselves. But what if this mental chatter isn’t just a bad habit? What if it’s a survival strategy rooted in our nervous system, our attachment patterns and the tender places inside us that never felt truly safe?

The inner child hides in a busy mind

In my therapy work, I often see how overthinking isn’t a sign of brokenness—it’s a sign of early adaptation. The mind gets busy when the heart feels overwhelmed.

The inner child - that younger part of us shaped by our earliest experiences - often carries the original blueprint of how we relate to ourselves and the world. If your needs weren’t reliably met, or you were made to feel “too much” or “not enough,” your inner child may have learned to stay safe by becoming hypervigilant.

And where’s a brilliant place to be hypervigilant? The mind. By analysing, predicting, preparing and replaying, your inner child tries to protect you from pain or rejection.

Attachment wounds and the overthinking loop

When our early attachment figures weren’t emotionally attuned or available, we didn’t just feel sad; we learned something about ourselves and the world.

Maybe you learned:

I have to be perfect to be loved.
I need to stay small to stay safe.
If I upset someone, they’ll leave.
If I do really well at school, I'll get attention.

These kinds of beliefs live in the background of our inner world and often fuel anxious thought patterns. Overthinking becomes a way to manage uncertainty and stay connected, especially for those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles. It’s a strategy rooted in fear of disconnection and it makes so much sense when we see it through that lens.

Polyvagal theory: the body keeps the score

Now, let’s bring in polyvagal theory, as I find it a brilliant tool in therapy to help you understand how your nervous system responds to perceived safety or threat.

According to Dr. Stephen Porges’ work, our autonomic nervous system shifts between different states:

Ventral vagal: where we feel safe, connected, grounded.
Sympathetic: fight-or-flight mode—anxiety, panic, aggression, overthinking.
Dorsal vagal: shut down, numbness, disconnection.

When we’re stuck in overthinking, we’re often in a sympathetic state—our body and brain are scanning for danger, and our thoughts race to try and control it. But the 'danger' we’re reacting to might not be present-day at all. It might be triggered by a memory, a tone of voice, a facial expression—something that unconsciously reminds the nervous system of an old wound.

Inner child work allows us to meet the part of us that first felt unsafe and polyvagal theory helps us soothe the body that still remembers.

What healing can look like

Healing isn’t about 'stopping' the overthinking. It’s about creating enough safety in your body and relationships that your nervous system no longer needs it as much.

That might look like:

Gently connecting with your inner child and offering them the reassurance they never had.
Recognising when you’re in a sympathetic state and offering co-regulation (with a therapist, partner or even a pet or nature).
Learning to notice when your thoughts are racing, and turning toward your body with curiosity: 'What am I feeling? What might I need right now?'

When we bring compassion to the parts of us that overthink, we soothe the inner critic and strengthen the part of us that can offer care. And from that place, the mind can rest a little. The body can breathe a little deeper. And the child within can feel a little safer.

If you recognise yourself in this, know this: your overthinking is not a flaw. It’s a story, written by a younger you, about how to survive in a world that didn’t always feel safe. With gentle, attuned support, that story can change.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

Pippa

Compassionate therapist with availability online and in Exeter