You might be surprised to hear a psychotherapist say this, but here goes: sometimes, talking isn’t always helpful!
You may have had counselling and found that it could only get you so far - but that you ended up feeling stuck, or maybe feeling even worse than before.
I had a preconception when I first had therapy around 10 years ago that the only way to break free from my trauma was to tell my counsellor what had happened in as much painful, raw detail as I could.
I was often in pieces in these sessions, reliving and re-experiencing traumatic memories in the presence of a therapist who just watched me, mostly in silence. The sight of her, silently and - or so I felt at the time - sitting in judgement, made me feel ten times worse than before I’d started therapy.
Compassionate connection is the heart of healing
You just know when you’ve found the right therapist for you - where you can sit with them and feel your body is able to relax, where your shoulders drop and your breathing can slow down.
Someone to help you find your voice and seek connections and relationships in all their guises, which keep you feeling safe.
I can thank that counsellor now, as our lack of connection fuelled my decision to put myself through the intense training as a psychotherapist, to be the therapist I desperately needed back then 💕.
So if words are not always the answer to help release and heal from trauma: what is?
For me, it’s been a potent combination of polyvagal and embodied psychotherapy. Understanding, accepting and gradually changing my nervous system responses has truly been life changing.
And helping my clients to slowly but surely start to reconnect with their bodies and help them begin to feel safe in a world which has felt precarious or uncertain, feels pretty awe-inspiring too ✨